I find a lot of joy in bringing order to things. Just ask anyone who works with me, or has lived with me…I like a system. I like symmetry. I like things clean and neat. I love to create an inviting and aesthetically pleasing environment. Decorating my home, organizing a closet or work space, even writing or making music…these are all ways I try to bring a little bit of order into the chaos of my world and make sense out of things.
But truthfully, on an average day, if you were to drop by my house, you’d get a glimpse into “my mess”. The dishes aren’t always done. I might have laundry going. The bed may or may not still be unmade. And most often, the coffee table in our living room usually has stuff strewn all over it, since it’s where I do most of my work at home—laptop open, an almost-empty coffee mug, cup holders and remote controls sitting in random spots, maybe even on top of a bill or two. Look beneath all that and the surface is probably smudged and a little dusty. This is the day-to-day reality I generally would try to clean up and stow away somewhere before guests arrive.
When God was creating the universe, he brought shape to something formless, order to the chaos. He created us, humans, the crown of His creativity, in His image, so that we might do the same here on earth with the gifts He has given each of us (Genesis 1:26-31). He is a creative being, and being made in His image, so are we.
But of course, we live in a broken world, and we don’t bear his image perfectly. Actually, maybe some of this compulsion of mine to keep things neat and in order is my way of protecting the mess that truly is my heart and my mind. I’ve been journaling for most of my life because a lot of what goes on in my heart as God is teaching me and molding me into the woman he created me to be are the really messy things I want to hide from the world. As long as I can put it down on paper and make some sense of my own heart, I’m content to then sweep it under the rug, or keep it in a box somewhere safe.
Lately God has been moving in my heart to reveal bits of my mess and shed some light on them. Because the truth is, there’s no box in which I can hide my heart from God, no rug I can sweep it under to try and fool Him. He sees it all–the orderly and the disorderly, the beautiful and the ugly, the harmony and the dissonance, the laughter and the tears. He knows me fully, and yes, loves me fully. I no longer have to bear an image of perfection because He now looks at me through the lens of Jesus:
“Who being in His very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped; rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death–even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8).
I believe God sees our mess and brings order to it, if we let Him, and are willing to share that mess with others who may need to hear it.
So this is a dream that’s been put on my heart to share with you, wherever you may be. God formed us into creative beings and there’s no end to the gifts He has given us to bring order and beauty to a broken world for His glory. But there’s always a little mess (sometimes a lot of mess) along the way. He knows, He gets it…and He is still glorified when we trust Him and do it anyway.
My prayer is that by sharing my life and my stories with you, you may begin to see the beauty in the mess of your own life, that you would even meet God in it, that he would reveal his creative gifts to you, and that you may truly believe you are fully known and fully loved by Him all at once.
For God’s glory,